Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
