so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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