Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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