I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
