Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
