the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
