Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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