mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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