I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
