it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
