I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
