Your face is a jimmy john
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
