I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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