I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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