Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
