party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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