so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize