At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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