oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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