Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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