I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize