gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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