so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
