R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
