relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did you just send me my own nude
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
