my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
