she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
