let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
