Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
