I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
