My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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