Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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