no, he came in my armpit
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
