I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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