Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
