i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize