Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
