Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
