Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
