At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
