I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
