well I can't set my house on fire every night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize