it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
