It was confusing and full of hummus
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
