Ketchup is God's man juice
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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