Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize