just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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