I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
