woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
