My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
