if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
