So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
