She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
