UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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