My room smells like vodka and shame
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
