thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
