I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
