I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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