At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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