Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Vodka?
Forever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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