and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
