I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
