I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
