I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize