Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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