i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
