Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
