So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
