hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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