i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
