let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
