I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
