I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
