It's just like the Real World with babies
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
