i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
