the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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