She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
