my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
