Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
