So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
