Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
