once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
