exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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