it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
