wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
