So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
