Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
