Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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