It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
