I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
