weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
