so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
