She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
