Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
